All Whites are more than All Right

Just had to include something this week about the All Whites and Italy, having sat up and watched it on the edge of my seat. The way other countries have covered the match has been very entertaining and informative. The UK Guardian newspaper has an "As It Happened" approach to match coverage. And it is funny and fun and informative and memorable, so I've cut and pasted it here....

Preamble Afternoon. Italy may traditionally be the suave sophisticates of world football, bestriding the scene with an imperious elegance and in a suit so sharp that it should be illegal, yet when it comes to the World Cup they have a peculiar habit of creating a huge wet patch around the business area of their £4000 cotton slacks. Of all the superpowers, Italy have suffered the greatest humiliations against the minnows of world football: defeat to North Korea in 1966, going 1-0 down to Haiti in 1974 – before which Dino Zoff had gone a record 1143 minutes without conceding a goal – losing to Ireland in 1994 and then South Korea in 2002. You wouldn't expect them to mess up against New Zealand, who have never won a World Cup match, but then we said that about all the others. Still this, given North Korea's competence, is surely the biggest mismatch of the tournament: the world champions against the 2000-1 outsiders.


1 min New Zealand, in white, kick off from right to left.

3 min Ipswich's Tommy Smith – no, not the one who was really good on Championship Manager – concedes a corner on the Italian right. It's swung out by Pepe and produces the square root of eff all.

4 min Italy are, indeed, playing 4-4-2. "How about my wife giving birth?" says David Liversidge, although I'm still not sure what question he's answering. "She's ready to go here but as she's Kiwi wants the footy updates as she goes. Trooper."

6 min Nothing has happened. Nada. Zilch. Sweet bugger all.

GOAL! Italy 0-1 New Zealand (Smeltz 7) What the hell is going on here? Shane Smeltz has given New Zealand the lead, albeit from an offside position. Shane Elliott curved in a free-kick from deep on the left. It brushes the head of another the leaping Reid, at which point Smeltz was offside. It then hit Cannavaro on the chest and hand before plopping in front of goal, and Smeltz poked it under Marchetti from a few yards. That's extraordinary.

8 min In defence of the assistant referee, the touch off the head of Reid was so slight that maybe he thought he had missed it, or that it had come off an Italian head. But the goal probably should not have been given. Which, let's be honest, makes it even funnier.

9 min An inswinging free-kick from Pepe on the left bounces through a posse of bodies in the area and Paston, who was probably unsighted, takes the safe option and punches it out of harm's way to his left.

10 min Pak Doo-Ik, Emmanuel Sanon, Ray Houghton, Ahn Jung Hwan, Shane Smeltz.

12 min "Boo ya!" says Tim O'Sullivan. "Put a couple of coins on Smeltz to score first at 22/1! Vintage betting." You say vintage, I say senile, but you can't argue with the results.

14 min Fallon is booked for putting an arm into Cannavaro's face. He'd eased one into Zambrotta's earlier, and the Italian complaints may have got him booked. Not that he can really complain.

17 min Chiellini misses a decent chance. Pepe's corner from the right kicked up and hit Cannavaro in the chest. It rebounded to Chiellini, on the left corner of the box, and with defenders converging he screwed a laughable left-footed effort all the way across goal.

18 min "The ball is flicked on from the head of the defender - so NZ onside and goal correctly awarded," says Liz Scott-Wilson. Hmm, I'm not so sure: I'm pretty sure it comes off Reid. But the more I see it the less sure I am, so the assistant referee was right to give the attackers the benefit of the doubt.

19 min Italy are having all the ball, as you'd expect, but they've only really created chances from set pieces so far. This couldn't happen, surely?

20 min Cannavaro is down after taking an elbow from Killen in the breadbasket. It wasn't a full elbow, but he definitely looked for him and New Zealand have been pretty physical. More of the same please. There's not nearly enough thuggery in football any more.

22 min The right-back Zambrotta runs straight down the centre of the pitch and, from the edge of the box, swooshes a fine effort that goes just wide of the far top corner.

23 min "AFC Wimbledon 1 Italy 0," says Charlie Talbot. "First the Surrey Senior Cup final, now this. What a career for Shane Smeltz."

24 min It's kicking off a wee bit. Chiellini rolls around beating the ground in pain after taking another elbow in the face from Fallon, who is on a yellow card. But this is an awkward one because Fallon was only using his elbows for leverage, and he wasn't actually swinging the elbow. The referee gives him a final warning, and the New Zealand manager – who has got the battle fever on – signals a dive. It certainly wasn't that; Chieillini took a good one in the phizog.

26 min "I am on my bed lazily browsing the MBM on my comp," says Shyam Sandilya. "Is the match actually worth it to walk a metre to switch on the TV?" Too right, there is going to be some violence soon.

27 min Montolivo hits the post! It was a fantastic bobbling effort, both feet off the ground, from 25 yards. Paston didn't move as the ball flashed across him and then swerved back in at the last minute to clatter off the inside of the post.

28 min: PENALTY TO ITALY Tommy Smith is penalised for pulling De Rossi's shirt as he tried to run onto a penetrative left-wing cross. De Rossi made a meal of it but it was a clear foul, and Smith is booked.

GOAL! Italy 1-1 New Zealand (Iaqunita 29 pen) Iaquinta passes it coolly into the right-hand corner as Paston dives the other way. It was at saveable height but that didn't matter because he waited for Paston to go before putting it in the other corner.

31 min New Zealand have a problem in that Fallon has been neutered. As Chris Coleman points out on ITV, he simply can't jump for the ball properly any more because he'll get another yellow card if even a fingernail touches an Italian defender.

32 min A few of you have asked why Italy are wearing black armbands. Obviously I have no idea, as I am stupid. Anyone know?

33 min New Zealand can't keep this up. They are getting battered, albeit without conceding too many clear chances. The concern for Italy, though, is not just winning but also goal difference: they must win well here and against Slovakia to finish above Paraguay and avoid Holland. It looks increasingly likely that we will have Italy v Holland in the last 16.

35 min Jonathan Wilson – yep, that one – and others point out that the armbands are because of the death of Roberto Rosato, who played in the 1970 World Cup final.

36 min Talking of Jonathan Wilson...

37 min "Another Spanish ref?" says Peter Phillips. "I have watched the replay again, and from the footage on my tv I really didn't see a foul, much less a clear one. A bad call is acceptable and even expected but dubious diving and dramatic falling and flailing? Oh yeah, this is Italy isn't it. Sorry!" It's a Guatemalan ref, and I thought it was an excellent and brave decision. He clearly grabbed his shirt, so there's no legitimate argument that it wasn't a penalty. The trouble is, of course, that only one out of maybe 20 such instances are punished with the award of a penalty.

38 min While New Zealand have been fibrous, to say the least, some of the Italian histrionics have been a wee bit unpalatable. After a foul by Killen, De Rossi wears the grimace of a man who has just lost his Dawson's Creek boxset.

40 min Ryan Nelsen, always such an underrated player, has been immense. New Zealand have been admirably resilient in the face of a bit of a buffeting.

41 min Iaquinta chips a dainty pass in behind the defence for the onrushing Pepe, but Nelsen covers well. For all Italy's dominance, Paston has not had a major save to make.

43 min New Zealand can't keep the ball at all. They're not helped by Fallon's reduced role in proceedings.

44 min Zambrotta spins the ball up smartly and then welts a volley across goal. Nelsen again clears. He has been quite outstanding.

45 min De Rossi, teed up by Pepe, takes a snapshot from 25 yards and Paston gets down to his right to make a good save, his best yet. The ball was wobbling awkwardly and came through a crowd of bodies, so it was probably a better save than it looked.
Half time: Italy 1-1 New Zealand That was lively. A dog of a match technically, to be honest, but there was plenty of barely concealed malice from both sides and, for 20 minutes or so until Italy equalised, a whiff of one of the great World Cup shocks. See you in 10 minutes for the second half.

Half-time chit-chat
"What a strange moral universe football is, when it is worse to slightly exaggerate the effects of a foul than to elbow someone dangerously in the head" – Roy Allen.
"What's all the more galling about the high-arm play acting is that it's this Daniele De Rossi" - Eamonn Maloney.
"I imagine you're receiving lots of emails from disgruntled Kiwis, snd probably a few sympathetic Aussies. Some of them will have a point by saying it wasn't much of a penalty, but the thing about fouling is it is either a foul or it isn't. Not much of a penalty is still a penalty. A bit like offside really" – Richard Finch.
"They're not thrash, but NZ weirdos Head Like a Hole would definitely liven up the showroom for Darryl Short. Unless he plays their bizarrely straight cover of I'm On Fire...which is pretty much how the Italians look when they lay on the turf writhing in mock agony" – Wade

46 min Italy kick off from right to left. They have made two changes: Antonio Di Natale replaces Alberto Gilardino, and Mauro Camoranesi replaces Simone Pepe.

47 min "It's a little known fact," says Blair Mainwaring, "but NZ's 5-2 loss to the Scots in their World Cup appearance in 1982, was responsible for the Scots exit on goal difference."
True that. Indeed it led Scott Murray to come out with this great line during his MBM of New Zealand v Slovakia:
New Zealand had assured their place on the elite list of countries who have made life hellishly difficult for Scotland at the World Cup. That list in full: Austria, Uruguay, Yugoslavia, Paraguay, France, Zaire, Brazil, Peru, Iran, Holland, New Zealand, USSR, Denmark, West Germany, Costa Rica, Sweden, Norway, Morocco and Scotland.

48 min The second half begins as the first ended, with Italy on top and Ryan Nelsen giving an epic display of over-ma-dead-body defending. He's a magnet to the ball. Di Natale spins to lash a bouncing ball towards goal from a tight angle on the right side of the box, and Paston beats it away. That was lovely technique from Di Natale.

49 min "Does anyone know why the New Zealand football team doesn't do their Haka dance before kick off like the rugby team?" says Adam. "Maybe it would help strike fear into the opposition!"
I suspect – and forgive me if I'm wrong – it might have something to do with the fact that doing such a dance would look quite strange when you invariably have your backside handed to you in the match that follows.

51 min New Zealand are playing like they have an allergy to the ball. In fact their ball-retention is almost as bad as England's.

53 min Italy are poor. For all their dominance they have created very little against perhaps the tournament's weakest side. They are going out in the second round, their backsides handed to them by Holland.

54 min "Here in Australia on broadcaster SBS, they've roped in some no-mark Englishman to host the broadcasts from a studio in Sydney," says Angus Chisholm. "He just dropped this little gem when the goal was being discussed: 'I don't mean any disrespect but they're South American referees, one is from Costa Rica, one is Honduran'. One would hope that we'd be spared from appalingly condescending and borderline racist English punditry here but alas. At the risk of sounding exactly like him, You People ought to be ashamed of yourselves."
Oh I am, don't worry.

55 min Criscito's dangerous near-post cross from the left is welted clear by the inevitably Ryan Nelsen with Iaquinta lurking behind.

56 min Chris Coleman is getting incredibly involved with New Zealand's struggle, imploring them to keep the ball and shouting random bits of tactical advice. "No need to make that challenge!" he weeps when Lochhead fouls Camoranesi. He sounds like he's on commission for their draw bonus.

58 min New Zealand get some respite when Leo Bertos skilfully wins a throw-in by the corner flag. He launches it towards Fallon, who challenges for the ball with Criscito. There was very little contact, but Criscito went down holding his face. That was really pitiful from Criscito, but thankfully the referee didn't buy it and give Fallon a second yellow card.

59 min "She's eight pounds one ounce," reports David Liversidge. "If we win I'm calling her RIckie Ryan Liversidge." You have the warmest congratulations of me and both our readers.

60 min De Rossi plays a delightfully penetrative, fast pass to Iaquinta, just inside the area, but he drags his shot on the turn well wide.

61 min Italy make their last substitution: the forward Giampaolo Pazzini replaces the wide midfielder Claudio Marchisio.

63 min New Zealand have had a really good five minutes, with the ball in Italy's half as much as theirs. Rory Fallon is replaced by the 18-year-old Chris Wood, probably to save him from a red card.

64 min A long throw from the left is headed clear by Cannavaro and, as the ball bounces up 22 yards out, Vicelic booms a fine first-time effort not far wide of the near post.

65 min Italy win a corner on the left. They still aren't really creating chances, and Montolivo overhits the corner hopelessly, all the way out for a throw-in.

66 min Italy have a flurry of corners, but New Zealand have got the battle fever on and defend effectively. In a sense, a draw doesn't make much difference from a win for Italy – they would still have to draw v Slovakia – but of course they will get pelters if they fail to win this.

67 min "As Ryan Nelsen himself admits, Skinny White Guys doing the Haka ain't exactly the most edifying sight," says Justin Lim.

69 min Italy are really pressing now, and the next 20 minutes will feel as long as Das Boot for New Zealand. I don't know how long they can keep this level of desperate defending going.

70 min Paston makes a fine save from a vicious long-range strike by Montolivo. It was arrowing towards the bottom corner, but Paston flung himself to his right and got a strong hand on it.

71 min "I know it's Always the Ball's Fault, but you'd think that after more than a week of playing and training with this ball, both at altitude and sea level, some of these very well-compensated professional footballers would think to maybe not hit it so hard next time," says Patrick Sheehan. "Or am I overestimating the problem-solving skills of the professional footballer?"
I think you've answered your own question.

72 min Reid stays down in the area after a challenge with Chiellini's elbows. Italy play on controversially, and eventually Di Natale's dangerous low cross is cleared brilliantly by Ryan Nelsen inside his own six-yard box. Reid has now gone off for treatment.

73 min "Congrats to David Liversidge," says David Harris. "I think the OBO might have a few, but is this the first MBM baby?"

74 min Reid is back on.

76 min It's a siege now, but still Italy aren't creating many clear chances. New Zealand have been marvellously indefatigable.

77 min Italy make a laughable cock-up of a short free-kick. Eventually the ball is dumped into the box, and Paston claims.

78 min I know I'm simple folk, but can someone tell me: what exactly does Mauro Camoranesi do?

79 min That's what he does: swing in a dangerous corner from the right that is headed towards goal by Iaquinta and then headed over his own bar by Tommy Smith. From the resulting corner, Camoranesi screws a desperate left-footed effort wide from the edge of the box.

79 min Di Natale runs onto Iaquinta's flick, makes a curving run infield around Reid but then drags his shot well wide from 20 yards.

80 min A New Zealand substitution: Jeremy Christie replaces the excellent Ivan Vicelich.

82 min Nelsen concedes a corner on the Italian left. It's whipped to the far post and headed wide under pressure by Chiellini.

83 min West Brom's Chris Wood so nearly gives New Zealand the lead! He wriggled away from Cannavaro on the edge of the box and then, with his left foot, fizzed a superb effort across Marchetti and just wide of the far post.

84 min "It's 0322 here in NZ and bloody cold," says Nick Proctor. "Did you know that most Kiwi houses have no central heating? Or double glazing? I can see my cat's breath. Well, this is a turn-up! The Italians are playing as if the game was taking place on the deck of an aircraft carrier on a stormy sea: falling all over the place in other words. The All Whites, well, our Prime Minister predicted 1-1, whilst I went with pedigree ... More than happy to be wrong so far. I coach eighth grade soccer over here. These guys are a product of a generation that didn't have the resources our guys now have, hence the lack of technique. Thousands of kids play every Saturday, and the Wellington Phoenix have better support than the Hurricanes. Doesn't mean we'll ever be world beaters, but, well, look at this. Look at it!"

85 min Yet another Italy corner. Di Natale swings it in from the left and Reid heads clear. New Zealand are on their last legs, and the heroic Ryan Nelsen is now down with cramp.

86 min "Chris Coleman's increasingly random commentary is brilliant," says Rena Patel. "Tactical advice mixed with gaffer speak is joyous."

87 min All the New Zealand fans have got their tops off and are waving them above their head. There are moobs on show everywhere, and not one of them could care less. This would be an astonishing result. Meanwhile, the referee has booked Nelsen for timewasting while he was limping off the pitch with cramp! That's extraordinary.

88 min Nelsen is back on and here come Italy again. Camoranesi wins a 50/50 with Wood and then, from 30 yards, hits a superb lifting drive that draws another good, two-handed save from Paston, diving to his left. What does Camoranesi do again?

90 min An heroic block from Nelsen keeps the score level. Zambrotta ran behind Smeltz onto a fantastic through pass, then came back inside Smith before lashing a left-footed shot towards goal. It might have been going wide of the far post, but Nelsen blocked it anyway.

90+1 min There will be four minutes of added time. Italy are charging round; I've seen less desperation on nightclub dancefloors during the slow songs at 1.45am on a Saturday morning.

90+2 min Criscito's cross is overhit and goes out for a goalkick. New Zealand are so nearly there.

90+3 min New Zealand make their final substitution: Andy Barron, who works in a bank in Wellington and had to arrange time off to come here, replaces Chris Killen.

Full time: Italy 1-1 New Zealand It's the feelgood hit of the summer: New Zealand have held the world champions Italy. Extraordinary stuff. They put in such a resourceful display, and were led sensationally by the brilliant Ryan Nelsen. Italy's World Cup minnowphobia continues, and they will need to get at least a draw against Slovakia on Thursday to qualify. But today is all about New Zealand, who have infused this World Cup with the sort of innocent, everyman charm that was seemingly lost to top-level football. After two games, they are on behind Italy on alphabetical order. Congratulations to them. Thanks for your emails. I'll leave the last word to Nick Proctor: "You Absolute Bloody Beauty! Sent from my iPhone."